I have been married for just over 18 years now, but since 1998 I have also been having a torrid affair. Her name is Clio.
Now hold on, if you are gasping in shock or shaking your head judgmentally. Clio is a figure from Greek Mythology, she is the Muse of History.
I didnt know I loved history untill 1998 when I attended my first Mountain Man rendezvous, and I was instantly hooked.
I think that I would have discovered this about myself much sooner in life if I had ever been under the care of a good History teacher, but unfortunately I never was. In my opinion a good history teacher is someone who loves, lives and breathes history, but is also engaging enough to keep young minds interested. I vaugely rememebr Mr. Barker in Jr. High tring to get us to memorize the Mayflower Compact but his horrible toupe was just to distracting. Mr. Thomas in High school seemed a nice enough sort but his heart just wasnt in it, I think he was really a wrestling coach or somthing.
I think the seeds of my obsession were there early on, if only I'd had a teacher recogninze it and help me see it, too. In the sixth grade I formed the "Crooked Arrow Archaeology Club" with two other classmates and we wrote a letter to President Carter asking for the Government to fund a trip for us to visit the ruins in Mesa Verde, Arizona. I told the other two members that we were a shoe in, because Carter seemed to be giving money away to everyone, after all they were saying the country was broke, werent they? I even told them that we would be provided with machetes to hack our way through the jungles of Arizona and New Mexico just like Indiana Jones.
Jimmy sent us a letter telling us the gob'ment didnt have a program like that, but he did send us a really nifty autographed photo of himself. The photo was not as interesting as machetes so the other two members drifted away and quit the club.
Anyway, once I realized where my passion lay I was already married with two children, and by now its probably way to late in my life to persue a degree in my field. But nontheless, I still consider myself a historian. When you spend as much of your life as I do studying the subject, is hard not to.
With me, history has actually become something of an obsession. I somtimes feel more connected to people who lived 200 years ago to people I know today.
The famous historian Stephen Ambrose, author of Undaunted Courage and Band of Brothers,among others, once camped out next to the grave of Meriwether Lewis. In the middle of the night a police officer arrived and told him he would have to move on. He is reported to have said "Officer, you've got to understand; I'm in love with this man." The cop let him stay.
Now some people, in particular a certain venerable yet crumudgeonly cabinet maker I happen to know, may say that this is further proof that Lewis was gay;(Even though there is no historical support for this popular theory), but I simply see it as proof that Ambrose might just understand where I am coming from. There is a "Creed of Living History" that says is part, "I cannot seperate what has happened in the past from my own life, because to me it seems as though it just happened last week.". I get that. These people are as real to me as anyone that I might bump into at work today, some of them more so.
History just isnt something I do, it's what I am.
To seperaste me from history would be like cutting off my arms and legs. This might seem freakish to some of you, but I know quite a few freaks just like me who like nothing more than to dress, talk, and live as though we were in another time. At some public "living history" events I have attended, I have seen the public walk thorugh with a confused look on thier face, as though they are wondering why in blue blazes these people are acting like it is the year 18something. Well guess what, public? We on the other side in old, smoky smelling clothes, with bacon grease on our fingers and black powder on our lips, are just as confused about you. We are wondering why in blue blazes you don't do it?
Monday, March 29, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Lewis and Clark
As those of you who know me are aware, I am a big fan of Lewis and Clark. I like history in general, in particular the Utah War, World War 2, the Mormon BAttalion and Western Fur Trade. But more than any of the others, Lewis and Clark just really floats my keelboat. ( A little Lewis and CLark humor there, heh heh heh).
Someting about it is so interesting. There are things in the expedition that blow me away, for example:
They took 40-some-odd people across a continent through unmapped wilderness in the face of starvation, disease, travel by foot horse and water, and unknown indiginous peoples. Through all this, only one man died, of a burst appendix.
The Spanish Government actually sent two brigades of soldiers north from Mexico to intercept and capture the Corps, they never found them
They identified 170somthing plants and 120somthing animals for science.
The men never knew that the "captains" were actually not equal in rank. Although promised the rank fo Captain if he would agree to go, the War Department felt that two Captains was not acceptable and instead gave him a commision as a second luitenant under Lewis. Even though he had previously been Lewis' commanding officer in the Battle of Fallen Timbers, they agreed to act as "Co-Captains" and to keep this tidbit from the men. Nobody knew untill years afterwards.
So anyway this morning on the john I was struck by a thought, which has kind of evolved into the folowing for your consideration:
EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED FROM LEWIS AND CLARK
1. Always pack plenty of blue beads
2. Never let a blowhard man the rudder
3. Keep your powder dry
4. That iron boat might be a great idea, but if its not sticking together, let it go
5. Let everybody vote
6. Take time to write down what happens
7. Keep track of your men
9. Keep the receipts
10. Dont take the blind guy hunting
11. Never assume that because everyone thinks there are unicorns and an easy one day portage out there, dosent make it so.
And the most important thing of all:
12. Wherever the journey is taking you, make room in your life for a dog.
Someting about it is so interesting. There are things in the expedition that blow me away, for example:
They took 40-some-odd people across a continent through unmapped wilderness in the face of starvation, disease, travel by foot horse and water, and unknown indiginous peoples. Through all this, only one man died, of a burst appendix.
The Spanish Government actually sent two brigades of soldiers north from Mexico to intercept and capture the Corps, they never found them
They identified 170somthing plants and 120somthing animals for science.
The men never knew that the "captains" were actually not equal in rank. Although promised the rank fo Captain if he would agree to go, the War Department felt that two Captains was not acceptable and instead gave him a commision as a second luitenant under Lewis. Even though he had previously been Lewis' commanding officer in the Battle of Fallen Timbers, they agreed to act as "Co-Captains" and to keep this tidbit from the men. Nobody knew untill years afterwards.
So anyway this morning on the john I was struck by a thought, which has kind of evolved into the folowing for your consideration:
EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED FROM LEWIS AND CLARK
1. Always pack plenty of blue beads
2. Never let a blowhard man the rudder
3. Keep your powder dry
4. That iron boat might be a great idea, but if its not sticking together, let it go
5. Let everybody vote
6. Take time to write down what happens
7. Keep track of your men
9. Keep the receipts
10. Dont take the blind guy hunting
11. Never assume that because everyone thinks there are unicorns and an easy one day portage out there, dosent make it so.
And the most important thing of all:
12. Wherever the journey is taking you, make room in your life for a dog.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
My Mom
Fot the past few weeks I have been remodeling my Mom's family room. Rippewrd out the panelling, mudding and painting the walls, etc. I probably wouyld have been finished some time ago except that I can only seem to find an hour here and there to get over there and work on it.
But spending time around my mom is kind of like a box of chocolates that should have been thrown out some time ago. You see, my mother grew up during the Great Depression (They call it that to distinguish it from the crappy one we are in now). As a kid, the philosophy at large was somthing like "Eat it up, wear it out, use it all or do without".
As a consequnce, she never throws anything away. Well, not much, anyway. She isnt one of those that you see on reality TV with banana peels and disposable diapers piled to the roof. but here are a few things we have seen her "saving" over the years
A small plastic baggie, tied with a twistie, containing 4 popcorn kernals
every utility bill she has ever gotten since she and my Dad bought the house in the early 1950, organised into binders chronologically
the plastic tree that held the parts to a model truck i tried to build in junior high, rubber banded to a few plastic drinking straws
some of those "punch in the letters" label tapes that had the names of all the kids in a family that used to live in the ward years ago
Rather than throw it out, she once poured a jar of pickle juice into a pitcher of Kool Aid. She said it tasted good, we took her word for it.
Every empty perfume bottle that she and my sisters have ever owned
Every disposable pen that has ever been in her possesion, still is. She claims that if you put them in the oven for a few minutes they will work again, but she just hasnt gotten around to it
And my own personal (very personal) favorite...a couple of years ago she presented me with a small ring of white plastic about 3/8 of an inch in diameter. I asked her what it was, and then came the horror....It was the little band used to hold the bandage on my hoo haa after my circumcision as an infant. YIKES!
Growing up during that period of time seems to have taught that generation how to make the best of thier rescources. But hey, they beat down the Nazis, right? Maybe that skill helped them do it. As you may know, our resources were streched pretty thin throughout World War Two, but they still pulled it off. Maybe they know something we dont. In fact, I am sure that they did. We live in a society where most things we buy come from overseas. Have you seen those HUGE container ships that come over from China? They sail back home empty. We dont make many things here anymore. ANd we certianly dont know how to fix anything anymore, whether its radios or cars. Back in the day if your radio (Which was a major investment) blew a tube, you took off the cover, replaced the tube, and went back to listening to Amos and Andy. Nowdays, when your radio blows a "tube" (Yes, I know they dont use them anymore) we throw it out.
I really think that we as a people need to learn how to fix things and make do. If something breaks, open it up and figure it out! If you dont think you can, try anyway. Its part of being self reliant.
Worse times are coming, folks. Learn how to take care of yourselves, strech your resources.
"Eat it all, wear it out, use it up or do without."
But spending time around my mom is kind of like a box of chocolates that should have been thrown out some time ago. You see, my mother grew up during the Great Depression (They call it that to distinguish it from the crappy one we are in now). As a kid, the philosophy at large was somthing like "Eat it up, wear it out, use it all or do without".
As a consequnce, she never throws anything away. Well, not much, anyway. She isnt one of those that you see on reality TV with banana peels and disposable diapers piled to the roof. but here are a few things we have seen her "saving" over the years
A small plastic baggie, tied with a twistie, containing 4 popcorn kernals
every utility bill she has ever gotten since she and my Dad bought the house in the early 1950, organised into binders chronologically
the plastic tree that held the parts to a model truck i tried to build in junior high, rubber banded to a few plastic drinking straws
some of those "punch in the letters" label tapes that had the names of all the kids in a family that used to live in the ward years ago
Rather than throw it out, she once poured a jar of pickle juice into a pitcher of Kool Aid. She said it tasted good, we took her word for it.
Every empty perfume bottle that she and my sisters have ever owned
Every disposable pen that has ever been in her possesion, still is. She claims that if you put them in the oven for a few minutes they will work again, but she just hasnt gotten around to it
And my own personal (very personal) favorite...a couple of years ago she presented me with a small ring of white plastic about 3/8 of an inch in diameter. I asked her what it was, and then came the horror....It was the little band used to hold the bandage on my hoo haa after my circumcision as an infant. YIKES!
Growing up during that period of time seems to have taught that generation how to make the best of thier rescources. But hey, they beat down the Nazis, right? Maybe that skill helped them do it. As you may know, our resources were streched pretty thin throughout World War Two, but they still pulled it off. Maybe they know something we dont. In fact, I am sure that they did. We live in a society where most things we buy come from overseas. Have you seen those HUGE container ships that come over from China? They sail back home empty. We dont make many things here anymore. ANd we certianly dont know how to fix anything anymore, whether its radios or cars. Back in the day if your radio (Which was a major investment) blew a tube, you took off the cover, replaced the tube, and went back to listening to Amos and Andy. Nowdays, when your radio blows a "tube" (Yes, I know they dont use them anymore) we throw it out.
I really think that we as a people need to learn how to fix things and make do. If something breaks, open it up and figure it out! If you dont think you can, try anyway. Its part of being self reliant.
Worse times are coming, folks. Learn how to take care of yourselves, strech your resources.
"Eat it all, wear it out, use it up or do without."
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Vegans and Aliens Part Dos featuring more Porter Rockwell, and zombies
Lets talk about alien invasion.
In the course of my wacked out life I have known two induviduals who are scared to death of aliens.
The first was one of my blacksmithing teachers. He no longer lives in Utah so I can talk about him with impunity ( I think)...
His name was Daniel and aliens really freaked him out, so much so that he didnt even like to talk about them. Not at all, not even to tell poeple he didnt like to talk about them. If the subject came up, he would leave the room faster than a Mo walking out of an R rated movie.
Once on a late nate drive through the deserts of Western Utah where we had been searching ghost towns for Wrought iron, I got to talking about a couple of strange things I had seen in the sky while driving through the deserts of Utah at night. He really got upset and kept telling me to shut up. I finally got him to tell me the whole sordid tale. It seems that once as a child he was playing hide and seek in some abandoned houses in New England somewhere, and thats the last thing he remembers. He woke up two days later in the woods 10 miles from home with a small incision like cut behind his knee. He dosent remeber how he got back home or how his parents reacted or anything really, but he knows that he still has a scar and claims it bleeds on occasion for no apperant reason. He is convinced he was abducted and taken on some form of intergalatic joy ride or reality show. His biggest fear is that if he talks about it or even thinks about it too much he will trigger some kind of alarm somewhere and the aliens will say something like "Oh, hey and by the way, we havent looked in on subject H66387289U6767338.9/2233 lately, lets swing by and grab him and see how his LDL level is doing" and the next thing he knows he will wake up in Branson, Missouri or something.
I found his story interesteing, but Daniel also believes in, and claims to have seen, both dragons and fairies as well.
The other Person I will allow to remain annonymous, but for the sake of the story I will call him Jake. Jake is a really good guy and one of the funniest people I have ever known, hes wicked smart, too. Jake is also freaked out by aliens. The difference is that Jake likes to talk about aliens, and likes a good alien flick, which makes for some fun discussions, as well as inspiring me to fantasize about kidnapping him and driving through the desert at night to drop him off in Roswell, New Mexico. It would be hilarious.
Something that Jake and I share is a love of zombie movies. I am obsessed with zombies for some reason. And no, its not because I have been abducted by zombies. (I think.)
Anyway it got me to thinking- wouldnt the tactics for fighting an alien invasion pretty much be the same as fighing a zombie outbreak? For your consideration:
Step 1: Put down the remote and realize that something is very worng before its too late and you are eaten or vaporized
Step 2:Arm yourself
Step 3: Figure out what the enemie's weakness is. For zombies it is the head, you have to destroy or severly damage the head. Aliens is anyones guess, but I would probably try the head first and by process of elimination determine whet the best part to shoot is. I hope it is something hilarious like the kidneys or the butt.
Step 4: Continue to shoot them in the head or the butt, depending on which it is, and gather a team of fellow survivors to load up tons of gear and head for the hills.
Step 5:Establish base camp, secure your perimeter,a nd get the power on in time to watch Hell's Kitchen on Friday night.
I kind of think that maybe Porter Rockwell would be the ultimate Alien/Zombie fighter. That guy took zero crap from anybody, am I right, whether the problem at hand was a pod of worker bees from Sigma 5 looking to colonize or a pack of the walking undead with a messed up nervous system trying to have a Porterhouse Steak Tartar, (I know thats lame but its the best I could some up with) ,for brunch. I think he would win. I can see him riding off into the sunset on the alien spacecraft like Slim Pickins did in that movie where he rode the Nuclear Bomb- I cannever remember the name of that movie. WHat a great ending.
And since I mentioned Vegans in the title, hey Vegans, you dont look so healthy. Seriously. Have you seen the lead singer from R.E.M. lately? he looks arange and bumpy.Eat some meat, dagnabbit.
In the course of my wacked out life I have known two induviduals who are scared to death of aliens.
The first was one of my blacksmithing teachers. He no longer lives in Utah so I can talk about him with impunity ( I think)...
His name was Daniel and aliens really freaked him out, so much so that he didnt even like to talk about them. Not at all, not even to tell poeple he didnt like to talk about them. If the subject came up, he would leave the room faster than a Mo walking out of an R rated movie.
Once on a late nate drive through the deserts of Western Utah where we had been searching ghost towns for Wrought iron, I got to talking about a couple of strange things I had seen in the sky while driving through the deserts of Utah at night. He really got upset and kept telling me to shut up. I finally got him to tell me the whole sordid tale. It seems that once as a child he was playing hide and seek in some abandoned houses in New England somewhere, and thats the last thing he remembers. He woke up two days later in the woods 10 miles from home with a small incision like cut behind his knee. He dosent remeber how he got back home or how his parents reacted or anything really, but he knows that he still has a scar and claims it bleeds on occasion for no apperant reason. He is convinced he was abducted and taken on some form of intergalatic joy ride or reality show. His biggest fear is that if he talks about it or even thinks about it too much he will trigger some kind of alarm somewhere and the aliens will say something like "Oh, hey and by the way, we havent looked in on subject H66387289U6767338.9/2233 lately, lets swing by and grab him and see how his LDL level is doing" and the next thing he knows he will wake up in Branson, Missouri or something.
I found his story interesteing, but Daniel also believes in, and claims to have seen, both dragons and fairies as well.
The other Person I will allow to remain annonymous, but for the sake of the story I will call him Jake. Jake is a really good guy and one of the funniest people I have ever known, hes wicked smart, too. Jake is also freaked out by aliens. The difference is that Jake likes to talk about aliens, and likes a good alien flick, which makes for some fun discussions, as well as inspiring me to fantasize about kidnapping him and driving through the desert at night to drop him off in Roswell, New Mexico. It would be hilarious.
Something that Jake and I share is a love of zombie movies. I am obsessed with zombies for some reason. And no, its not because I have been abducted by zombies. (I think.)
Anyway it got me to thinking- wouldnt the tactics for fighting an alien invasion pretty much be the same as fighing a zombie outbreak? For your consideration:
Step 1: Put down the remote and realize that something is very worng before its too late and you are eaten or vaporized
Step 2:Arm yourself
Step 3: Figure out what the enemie's weakness is. For zombies it is the head, you have to destroy or severly damage the head. Aliens is anyones guess, but I would probably try the head first and by process of elimination determine whet the best part to shoot is. I hope it is something hilarious like the kidneys or the butt.
Step 4: Continue to shoot them in the head or the butt, depending on which it is, and gather a team of fellow survivors to load up tons of gear and head for the hills.
Step 5:Establish base camp, secure your perimeter,a nd get the power on in time to watch Hell's Kitchen on Friday night.
I kind of think that maybe Porter Rockwell would be the ultimate Alien/Zombie fighter. That guy took zero crap from anybody, am I right, whether the problem at hand was a pod of worker bees from Sigma 5 looking to colonize or a pack of the walking undead with a messed up nervous system trying to have a Porterhouse Steak Tartar, (I know thats lame but its the best I could some up with) ,for brunch. I think he would win. I can see him riding off into the sunset on the alien spacecraft like Slim Pickins did in that movie where he rode the Nuclear Bomb- I cannever remember the name of that movie. WHat a great ending.
And since I mentioned Vegans in the title, hey Vegans, you dont look so healthy. Seriously. Have you seen the lead singer from R.E.M. lately? he looks arange and bumpy.Eat some meat, dagnabbit.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Vegans and aliens
So I am reading "Contact" by Carl Sagan, again. It is a really good book, the movie with Jodie Foster was based on it. As usual, the book is far better than the movie. The book actually gives a far different slant to the end than the movie which I really enjoy. It makes me wonder if Carl Sagan was as much an aethiest as he professed to be. If you are somebody who has ever questioned the exsistance of God, or knows someone who has, I would highly recommend it.
Anyway...in the book we receive a radio communication from the distant star of Vega, and start referring to the inhabitants of said star as Vegans. And it got me to wondering, is that where those people who are pretending to go through life without using animal products got their name?
I say pretending because I dont beleive it is possible to not use animal products, that is unless you can go without rubber, plastic, dyed fabrics of any kind, synthetic fabrics, camera film, and Porterhouse steaks. That would include the plastic and rubber insulation n the wires in your TV and Ipod, and the film used to create that dumb "Avator" movie that you are all having raptures about. Also, no tires on your car or bicycle. You can only wear white cotton because animal renderings are used as a mordant to make the dye "take" to the cloth. And guess what? You better not be wearing clothing made with a sewing machine, becasue according to a scource I trust, sewing machine oil is rendered from cats! They just havent found anything else for that application that works as well.
When all is said and done, even if you manage to remove all of these "Evil and expolitive" products from your life and your shopping cart, what are you eating? Vegetables, grains and bean curd, I suppose. Well you had better be growing all of that stuff yourself , because you must know that countless rabbits, moles, mice, ground hogs and the occasional hobo are killed in the industrial harvesting of all of that produce.
It's just not natural to not eat meat, I'm sorry. Next time you are brushing your pearly whites take a close look at those magnificant choppers in the mirror. You see the ones that would be fangs if you were a vampire? (Yes I know, stop dreaming, you Twilight robots). Start with the gap between your two front teeth and count outward in both directions to three. There they are ! Your wonderfull "Canine" teeth. Guess why they are shaped that way, so different from your other teeth? They are for TEARING MEAT, you clods. So dont tell me how much you love nature then start doing something as un-natural as not eating meat.
"OOH"" they say "The meat you buy is so unhealthy with all of the injected hormones and chemicals..." blah blah blah. I have no problem with not eating genetically altered or irradited meat for health reasons if you choose not to. But man up, go buy yourself a rifle and harvest your own. Those deer and elk are not only pretty, but tasty as well!
When all is said and done, if you still decide not to eat meat, then dont. Just dont tell me I shouldnt eat it either. That is the difference between a Liberal and a Conservative. If Conservative dosent want to do something or buy a certain product, like guns,they dont.
If a Liberal decides they dont like soemthing, they try to get the whole world to join in, willingly or not. Which is why they push to pass laws regulating the things they dont like.
Just think how much easier it will be for the Vegans (the aliens, not the birkenstock wearing granola munchers) to take us over when they arrive, if we are already living under the thumb of a bunch of silly laws and regulations because some people decided that it is thier job to nanny and take care of us, than if we are still independant free thinkers. But that brings up the subject of alien invasions, and that is another blog post altogether.....
Anyway...in the book we receive a radio communication from the distant star of Vega, and start referring to the inhabitants of said star as Vegans. And it got me to wondering, is that where those people who are pretending to go through life without using animal products got their name?
I say pretending because I dont beleive it is possible to not use animal products, that is unless you can go without rubber, plastic, dyed fabrics of any kind, synthetic fabrics, camera film, and Porterhouse steaks. That would include the plastic and rubber insulation n the wires in your TV and Ipod, and the film used to create that dumb "Avator" movie that you are all having raptures about. Also, no tires on your car or bicycle. You can only wear white cotton because animal renderings are used as a mordant to make the dye "take" to the cloth. And guess what? You better not be wearing clothing made with a sewing machine, becasue according to a scource I trust, sewing machine oil is rendered from cats! They just havent found anything else for that application that works as well.
When all is said and done, even if you manage to remove all of these "Evil and expolitive" products from your life and your shopping cart, what are you eating? Vegetables, grains and bean curd, I suppose. Well you had better be growing all of that stuff yourself , because you must know that countless rabbits, moles, mice, ground hogs and the occasional hobo are killed in the industrial harvesting of all of that produce.
It's just not natural to not eat meat, I'm sorry. Next time you are brushing your pearly whites take a close look at those magnificant choppers in the mirror. You see the ones that would be fangs if you were a vampire? (Yes I know, stop dreaming, you Twilight robots). Start with the gap between your two front teeth and count outward in both directions to three. There they are ! Your wonderfull "Canine" teeth. Guess why they are shaped that way, so different from your other teeth? They are for TEARING MEAT, you clods. So dont tell me how much you love nature then start doing something as un-natural as not eating meat.
"OOH"" they say "The meat you buy is so unhealthy with all of the injected hormones and chemicals..." blah blah blah. I have no problem with not eating genetically altered or irradited meat for health reasons if you choose not to. But man up, go buy yourself a rifle and harvest your own. Those deer and elk are not only pretty, but tasty as well!
When all is said and done, if you still decide not to eat meat, then dont. Just dont tell me I shouldnt eat it either. That is the difference between a Liberal and a Conservative. If Conservative dosent want to do something or buy a certain product, like guns,they dont.
If a Liberal decides they dont like soemthing, they try to get the whole world to join in, willingly or not. Which is why they push to pass laws regulating the things they dont like.
Just think how much easier it will be for the Vegans (the aliens, not the birkenstock wearing granola munchers) to take us over when they arrive, if we are already living under the thumb of a bunch of silly laws and regulations because some people decided that it is thier job to nanny and take care of us, than if we are still independant free thinkers. But that brings up the subject of alien invasions, and that is another blog post altogether.....
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